How I Healed my Heart
Feb 27th, 2010
"What he did and all that he did, it did not matter now
as much as how I was going to deal with it."
"Is there something or someone in your life that bothers the heck out of you?"
Saleena: I met Abby & Diana in 2005 here on the Big Island. I was impressed by his big warm enthusiastic heart. He is a brilliant being with a mind & heart full of ideas to help us change our reality into something more desirable.
I love his profile: Abby Charden Mobasher’s Specialties: Designer, Inventor, Pioneer in Practical Green Energy & Modular Buildings. Diversified R&D Specialist, Prototype Maker & Trouble Preventer. His motto is “Benevolent Solutions.” He surely set an example in place for this in this strong authentic story of his own transformation & how taking full responsibility for everything you can transform your world. Thank you Abbey for sharing!
How I Healed My Heart
Abby: I had a very rough night I could not sleep and woke up several times with pain and pressure in my chest.
Wanted to wake up Diana and ask her to take me to hospital several times but said no, it could not be, I am too young, too healthy to have a heart attack. Besides, I have been eating healthy food most of my life specially in last 20 years, I am about average weight for my age, I go for walks, work around the house and yard, chase the grand kids and laugh and play with them. I love my career and average about 10-12 hours a day worth of work on the computer, phone and networking every day ad live a balanced and harmonious life. It could not be a heart attack.
I woke up around 6, ran to the bathroom almost finished when the darn phone rang, was a man, did not identified himself at first and after 3-4 Ahh.. Who?? “he” told me his name. Oh shit it was “Him!” the only member of my family that I really hated. Over 60 years of bad memories rushed through my mind, from the time I learned to walk and that SOB was putting burning charcoal outside of our door jam and was laughing, watching me scream when I stepped on them and burnt my brand new feet that was just learning to walk on. Then bad memories marched through my mind, all time he bullied me, all the time that he had it all and I had none especially when my father died when I was 4. I remembered all the time that older, stupid and bully boy pushed me around, took advantage of me and hurt me or took away from me.
He was dumb, really dumb yet he got away with it. Could not read or write in elementary school but because of wealth of his father he was ushered through. As teen agar we laughed at him the dumb ass could not even write his own simple name! Right before graduating from high school he asked me to go see a movie, at the beginning they had a local ad about private school that taught people to read and write in 21 days. He asked me to go with him and help him sign up. He took the course and the schoolmaster was so impressed with me that hired me on the spot as a teacher then trained me to teach the same amazing phonetic course. I even helped him to write the manual and illustrated it for him, a great accomplishment for a kid just out of high school. So… “He” became a student and Now, I was a “Teacher” in the same school, what a turn of the event!
The dumb ass came to school on regular basis, became the student of the schoolmaster who was a brilliant engineer that developed the phonetic method. He was a dumb ass as usual, unknown to me, he cheated again and this time, rather than paying attention, bought a tape recorder, got his several brothers and sisters to read and then he learned the lessons by memorization and not by actually learning. 21 days later, I had several of my own students that could read and write but the dumb ass, SOB still could not read or write and was as dumb as ever!
I remembered the last few encounters, once after I graduated and joined the service when he came uninvited to the village that I was stationed as a teacher. Then last time that I saw him about 39 years ago was in Denmark when I was passing through Europe to come to US. He was kind to me on that time, he bought the small, elegant prayer rug that I got my brother, paid 2000 Mark (#$550), enough to pay for my train tickets to Luxemburg then airline ticket US and few hundreds to carry me over. I though that was a great and generous closure in his part for all the wrong he had done for me but now, the MF, SOB has not changed much at all. He send me a tape recording about 10 years later, (remember he was a dumb ass, still could not read or write!), he nagged, moaned and whined about how nice he was when he “GAVE!” me that money and made it possible to go to US and how he needed money because he was building a house. It was one of my lean financial years, my business was failing because of Iranian hostage situation, I was in heart of Texas and my customers were doing their patriotic duties to punish me by not giving me any business. Any way I managed to scrounge around and sent him few hundred Dollars and thought that it was over now.
Now, over a quarter of century later here he was again! What the (F) he wanted this time?? I was still too sleepy and our conversation from painful and boring went to argument about his stupid, brain washed and narrow minded view about the politic and how he wanted the same kind of freedom for Iran that was offered to Afghanistan and Iraq and now I was really pissed!!… BIG TIME!! What an ass hole to top of being stupid, all the pains, all the bad memories and then this??
I went to bed shaking, tried to get some rest but not possible. I woke up grumpy, went down stairs fed all the chirping birds in the cage, two new baby finches born 4 days ago. I was hoping to get some sympathy from Diana or at least some consideration but now, she just asked me to do one of those honey does as soon as she saw me and I just snapped at her and lost it. Went upstairs, quick shower then a short mediation, breathing and looked at how I could get in my own center and balance my life.
Diana is amazing woman, best gift in my life ever. She knows so much and has a way about putting life in proper order. At first she did not know what was going on with me and why I was acting so strange and out of character? Then asked me to sit down and talk, she was amazed the way I reacted, the word “HATE” is not part of my vocabulary and pointed that how could I “HATE” anyone if we are all one?? That was a very big one to swallow even for me! We talked bout it several times during the day and one step at the time I was able to find more pieces of this old puzzle and tried to make peace with it. By the end of afternoon I told her more details about the past and about the conversation that morning. I told her that “He” had hard time breathing, was drinking several beers a day (a very stupid thing to do) to top that I remembered him bragging about having have tried just about anything, booze, drugs, sex then he was bragging that at age of 64, even without any schooling he can speak 3 languages, been in many counties and done so much including dealing all his own business and government affairs in 2 European countries without ability to read and write. He told me he was overweight, he always was a fat one and now, breathing with difficulty, eating all kind of wrong foods and drinking? Then bragging about it, how stupid a person can really be??
Diana pointed out that although I am hurt and really pissed at him for all he had done, the fact he called was because he was really reaching out for me!!??
WOW!! What a concept! This is the SOB that I did not want to do anything with, the one and only person that I ever really hated and now this?? Reaching out for me?? WHAT THE HECK FOR?? Around the mid afternoon it all started to make sense. Diana was right indeed and he was reaching out for me because he needed help. Then I started connecting the dots and how I started having chess pain in last few months and last night, so sure that it was a heart attack that I actually wanted to go to hospital.
I realized that not only we both are members of the same family, share the same DNA, we also have spiritual connection despite the pain and agonies he caused me in the past. Why else he could have possibly ended up in my life? The amazing contrast between us, the duality that we share on our life path
yet both the goods and bads that he has done for me. One thing for sure, he is the one that made my last leg of journey from Europe to here possible. Then how about all the shits, all the abuse and hate that he created, all the injustice? All that was mine and he took for granted and I was denied of for most of my life??
I finally had an AHA moment! I realized that the chess pain was not mine but “His” pain that I was feeling! I also realized how right Diana was. He had reached out for me on his own way and it did not really matter how, but he reached and made the connection and now it was my choice to do with it what I wished. Surely my anger and hate was justified right? How could I not be angry with him knowing he was the SOB that planted those hot charcoals just outside of my door, knowing that I would step on them and burn my poor little baby feet?? He was enjoying it in cold blood and laughing at my pain!
What he did and all that he did, it did not matter now
as much as how I was going to deal with it.
All the pain, all the agony, all the shits he did to me over 20 years was as fresh as the first day in my mind, heart and body, I still hated him and was very, very angry at him.
The word Ho’oponpono
popped into my head instantly
I knew what was going on and what I needed to do.
I realized since we are all one,
Somehow I was feeling his pain and his possibly failing heart.
I realized that despite being across the globe (he called me from Germany), there was a bond that made us both feel the same thing and somehow, although it may not ever occur to him, it was crystal clear to me now that the pain in my chess was because deep inside of me, I also had that SOB, that mean, bully, selfish and nasty person with aging, abused and fat body that was now hurting.
“He” was hurting
and I was hurting
and somehow, one of us
had to heal all these pain, hate and anger.
Some how, ”WE” have to end the pain
and heal the failing heart
that nobody knew how, who and where it was located!
I tool a nap I am really good at that and do it every day. I ran to our silk room where all of HealingSilks are stored in tiny room that was a pantry of some sort at one time.
I grabbed one of the Ho’oponopono scarves,
stuffed it part of the way in my nerdy shirt pocket with my pen, mechanical pencil and stack of 3×5 cards that makes my tiny portable office. I laid down on the couch and got comfortable then after some deep breathing calmed down. I started silently repeating the Ho’oponopono prayer and said;
“I Am Sorry
Please Forgive me
I love You
Thank you.”
I was totally focused on myself and no one else.
I know that it was no one’s fault, no judgment.
It was only me and it was only up to me to deal with it.
It was not something outside of me,
nothing that “He” did or said that mattered now,
it was all about me now
and “NOW” it was my chance of dealing with it as I saw fit.
I knew that I had choices to make.
One of course was taking the easy way out, go for the revenge and get even with him for all that he had done to me. I could do that for sure but what was the results!? My inventor and engineer mind asked? Haven’t I been through that route before over and over again? Haven’t I hated him long enough justifiably or not? And if so then why the heck I was the one with the chest pain?
I calmly just laid down there and went deep inside of my own soul. Dug into the past and timeless eternity and tried to pinpoint that aspect of me that was “Him”, that ugly, mean and SOB part of me that was causing pain and hurting others, that part that took from the weak and the fatherless and motherless young boy that I was. Wow! That was so deep, so weird yet so soothing all the same time.
By finding my own nasty “Self”,
the SOB that I shared with “Him”,
I knew exactly what to do now.
I just laid in there quietly, held on to the silk of the Ho’oponopono scarf, touching the smooth fabric of
the silk, I picked up its energy, it was like a hidden highway that enabled me to travel to past, so far
hidden behind the years of pain and agony.
I looked and acknowledge that nasty part of me
that I hated so much
and silently repeated over and over
the Ho’oponopono Prayer;
“I Am Sorry
Please Forgive me
I love You
Thank you.”
By the time it got dark not only I was clear about what happened, I also was very, very grateful and in a way very proud of myself to have found the solution. Who would not be? Especially an inventor like me that finally found what was wrong and had the keys and tools to fix it now. I was also feeling pretty good, my energy level had shifted and for some strange reason I did not have any more chest pain at all for rest of the night. Surely that could not have been it or was it??
I got up this morning around 7, fed the birdies, did some chores around the house then went for a walk through the hilly trails north of our house. It was amazingly peaceful, I was totally refreshed my heart felt wonderful even climbing the steep hill without stopping a single time.
I kept on repeating the Ho’oponopono prayer on my walk. There was no need for the silk scarf, just knowing what to do and how to go to the “NOW” part of time-space continuum did the trick. By tapping the now, I was all over the place and since Now, then and whatever time frames are seamlessly connected, I too was able to reach, love and heal the “IT” part of timelesss now.
It was clear day and in low 50’s on top of the hill. I took my sandals off and walked barefooted on the cold and partially moss covered path. I realized that I no longer was finicky about being barefooted because the bad, older and meaner “ME” was now loved and forgiven therefore there was no more hot and bad charcoals on my path.
I finally had healed the “Me” part of the equation that was bad, mean, bully and burned me so there was no more pain, no more anger and no more chess pain to worry about.
It was by healing “ME”
that I was able to heal the pain
and my own heart and friends,
you can do the same.
This may or not apply to you but seriously, please consider the lesson and mastery that I encountered.
Is there something or someone in your life that bothers the heck out of you?
Enough for you to take serious action before is too late.
Then what the heck are you waiting for??
Love & Blessings;
Abby
2013-07-03 Update
Aloha Abby,
It is part of the magical synchronicities that are growing and growing in my life now that I am drawn to your email today and finally posting your beautiful photo (sent in Feb 2013). Your story is helping inspire me today as I have encountered a mean old part of myself being mirrored to me by another. Someone who is fearfully protecting their own self and in the course of it, preventing me from easily partaking of some wonderful living spring water for my health and well being.
Ahhh, this feels like a reflection of a deep old part of myself. It is surely the easiest choice to project my anger and frustration "out there" onto someone else!
When I read this part of your story:
“He” was hurting
and I was hurting
and somehow, one of us
had to heal all these pain, hate and anger.
Somehow, ”WE” have to end the pain
and heal the failing heart
that nobody knew how, who and where it was located!"
I had an emotional response; tears welled up in my eyes, my heart aches and suddenly I feel "our" fear of not having enough to take care of ourself easily. "Our" lack of trust in Source to provide everything needed when it is needed. "Our" need to manipulate the physical world, and all that is in it, to "take care of myself" in spite of others choices or needs. "Our" need to push people away before we can be abandoned again.
I see it is certainly a habit I have had to feel I to have permission to “go through someone else’s gate” to obtain my Living Water, the pure free flowing abundance of life… AHHHH it is so fun to find and clear these old restrictive illusions… I am happy that this person was so good at presenting me that mirror so I can clear it… Aloha my old pattern, my old insecure part that pushes others away before they can abandon me… my old insecure parts that haven’t trusted going direct to Source for my Living Water… Aloha…
I chose to take responsibility for creating this situation and treat this situation as if I was part of creating it. I have chosen to use my skills to heal this part of myself and began repeating Ho’oponopono for days. Now every time a negative feeling arises surrounding the situation I repeat it again until the feelings dissolve.
Finally today or tomorrow I need to refill my Spring Water… I have asked the Angels to assist me in finding the most perfect, convenient source of Living Spring Water where I am welcomed and have free access to in the physical world. I am curious how it will resolve??? I trust we will…
Thank you Abby again for your loving presence on this planet and in my life…
Saleena Kí
